you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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