the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
