i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
