when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
