I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
