I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
