would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
