he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
