You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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