Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
