I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
