I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
