My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
