he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
