he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
