Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So here I am, sexting at work.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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