I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
