oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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