Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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