I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
