Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
