Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
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running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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