everyone is single if you try hard enough
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He felt like a one man threesome
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
