She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
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just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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