It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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