Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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