Screwed.edu
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All the doctor said was why
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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