How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
