every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
