at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
