If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.