Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.