I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream