At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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