she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.