i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
