Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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