I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
