Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
