I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
