Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
