sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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