Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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