she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
