Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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