I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
