Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
