3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need a beard to bite.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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