If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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