Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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