how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
