Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
