He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize