Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
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I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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