The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
