i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You pole danced in your parka.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
