Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
