Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
