theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There are leaves in my underwear?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
