found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
