i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
