His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
