Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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