Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
