he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
false alarm. still invincible.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize