my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
