Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
