he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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