pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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