Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
