hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
