Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
