Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
