He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
