there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
