I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
