Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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