i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
