Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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