Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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