The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
