Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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